The ultimate question... of toilet paper

[vonnegut]

Do you fold or do you crumple?

There are many things to be considered. Absorbency, surface area... and it has been suggested that our preferences in this matter give great insight into our character.

[Hurley4Prez]

Alas, I'm a folder.

[vonnegut]

Why alas?

[???]

Umm, I liked the Fenry polls better, vonnegut...

[Television]

I use sandpaper

[vonnegut]

??? I knew this was going to be a controversial subject. I thought long and hard (read: 30 seconds) before making it. I am aware that some people won't be comfortable with discussion of toilet paper habits.

But we need the truth. Can you handle the truth?




*and I liked Fenry polls, too, but I'm scared ya'll will all kick my @$$ if I make any more*

[Hurley4Prez]

Why alas?
Why the poll? :nanabobo:

[Mr. Cluck]

Actually, it wasn't far too personal, but there wasn't an "other."

[SpidermanHouston]

I use the seashells. You don't know how to use the three seashells? Why aren't the seashells an option?

[???]

??? I knew this was going to be a controversial subject. I thought long and hard (read: 30 seconds) before making it. I am aware that some people won't be comfortable with discussion of toilet paper habits.

But we need the truth. Can you handle the truth?

*and I liked Fenry polls, too, but I'm scared ya'll will all kick my @$$ if I make any more*

No offense, but we need the truth about toilet paper...why?

[vonnegut]

Actually, it wasn't far too personal, but there wasn't an "other."

That would be the Obligatory option :D

*psst... you don't have to actually hate charlie. Few of us do*

I use the seashells. You don't know how to use the three seashells? Why aren't the seashells an option?

You would choose: "I don't use toilet paper"

[LostInWilderness]

Did I mention one poll too many?

[Sawyersgrl]

In solidarity with the losties, I use banana leaves.

[Sawyersgrl]

I use the seashells. You don't know how to use the three seashells? Why aren't the seashells an option?

hahahahahahah
That was good, lol

[Hurley4Prez]

I've heard of this seashell business before, and I still have no idea what it's about.

[Sawyersgrl]

I've heard of this seashell business before, and I still have no idea what it's about.

It's from "Demolition Man".

[vonnegut]

Did I mention one poll too many?

This one's not about Fenry! I promise!


Hey, if ya'll can do a Fried Chicken poll.....

[sgtdraino]

I use the seashells. You don't know how to use the three seashells? Why aren't the seashells an option?

I smell a MurderDeathKill in your future. :)

[Hurley4Prez]

It's from "Demolition Man".
You're too sweet for not just dismissing that! :Hippy:

I won't be befuddled again, damnit!!!

[Sweet Doo]

No offense, but we need the truth about toilet paper...why?

Why not?

[j-losti]

I use sandpaper

sounds very uhm...traditional

[Jason and the ARGonauts]

Don't use it. lol J/K

[The Central Scrutinizer]

I'm a crumpler.

Ol Scrutinizer Sr. was a folder so I'm like the black sheep of the family.

Howard Stern warned against the crumpling technique in his book Private Parts but I like to live on the edge.

[john_locke]

Fold it

[AdamCrew]

I crumple!

Uncle John would be proud of me.

[OMG its LFG]

whats toilet paper?

[Television]

sounds very uhm...traditional

Its an old family secret. Sandpaper once a day keeps the ...... away

[Greatsageandeminentjunkie]

Crumpling seems so risky. Crumplers are asking for it.

[Frecklestoo]

Why fold it? It's just getting thrown in the toilet and flushed. Why does it need to be neat?

I just take a shower when I'm done and kill 2 birds with one stone.:rolleyez:

[Greatsageandeminentjunkie]

Why fold it? It's just getting thrown in the toilet and flushed. Why does it need to be neat
Because, crumpling is not an exact science.

[Television]

Why fold it? It's just getting thrown in the toilet and flushed. Why does it need to be neat?

I just take a shower when I'm done and kill 2 birds with one stone.:rolleyez:

Haha good idea. You could eat in there to and then thats three daily jobs done at once.:popcorn:

[Frecklestoo]

Because, crumpling is not an exact science.

Because if you crumple, you can make it nice and thick, ie. more protection. If you fold, your hand can slip off the side and that's just assking for trouble.;)

[BujuPhunk]

you know - you can tell alot about a person by the way they wipe their asses. In fact, I am a folder - but not like neat creases and all - its more a wrap around the hand as if to transfere from one roll to the other and then there ya have it - no slipping or breaking through the cracks. its just good science, I think.
:spit:

[Frecklestoo]

you know - you can tell alot about a person by the way they wipe their asses. In fact, I am a folder - but not like neat creases and all - its more a wrap around the hand as if to transfere from one roll to the other and then there ya have it - no slipping or breaking through the cracks. its just good science, I think.
:spit:

Well, you wanna break through the cracks, otherwise what's the point? I think folding and wrapping would be two different categories.

[Greatsageandeminentjunkie]

Because if you crumple, you can make it nice and thick, ie. more protection. If you fold, your hand can slip off the side and that's just assking for trouble.;)
My God, you're right. We can never be safe.

[BujuPhunk]

Well, you wanna break through the cracks, otherwise what's the point?
:rotfl: Good point and way to set me straight.

[Lost In His Eyes]

Well, LMFAO

I hate Charlie...

And, I'm not a folder...

I'm not telling what I picked. :p

[Mr. Cluck]

I know what you picked, LIHE. We alllll know what you picked.

(psst... it's not the confidential kind of poll.) :hammersel

[Television]

Well, LMFAO

I hate Charlie...

And, I'm not a folder...

I'm not telling what I picked. :p

So your a 'crumpler' hey?

[Noav Sigless]

Far too much information.

[aggiesean]

Hmm...the title says "The Ultimate Question...of toilet paper," but I thought that the ultimate question was whether the roll goes in front or behind.

:Cowdance:

[mikashuman]

Good point Aggie!

Vonne! Honey, you got me :rotfl: ;)

[Hurley4Prez]

Hmm...the title says "The Ultimate Question...of toilet paper," but I thought that the ultimate question was whether the roll goes in front or behind.

:Cowdance:
OVER!!!

[Lost Addict]

FINALLY!!! I cant believe it took so long for someone to ask this question. This question blows what came first the chicken or the egg question out of the universe. This is a life or death question. Fold? or Crumple? Vonnegut.....pure genious poll. It brought a tear to my eye. Bravo.

[VeeAyetheCPA]

Hmm...the title says "The Ultimate Question...of toilet paper," but I thought that the ultimate question was whether the roll goes in front or behind.

:Cowdance:
My thoughts exactly! Please, Vonnegut, don't let another night go by without making that poll!


We probably need ones about 1-ply versus 2-ply ..... scented versus unscented .... aloe and vitamin E versus plain ....generic vs. name brand ... regular roll, double roll, triple roll, etc. We could take a poll on our favorite brand of toilet paper. We could branch off into those personal cleansing wipes they sell in the toilet paper aisle.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_4_6.gif

[SareBear00]

Fold......and you know we are on hiatus when..... :rotfl:

[vonnegut]

My thoughts exactly! Please, Vonnegut, don't let another night go by without making that poll!

I would probably be banned :)

The polls forum, for me, holds such an allure of possibilities... but I'm afraid that sometimes, for some, it may get to be a bit too much. I always hesitate a moment before clicking that shiny little "New Thread" button at the top of this forum, wondering if this time I'm just going too far. Sometimes I back down.... although most of the time I say damn the consequences, THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW (usually when I'm drunk).

:D

[foxxie]

Fold! :D

(that is all! :D)

[Frecklestoo]

I would probably be banned :)

The polls forum, for me, holds such an allure of possibilities... but I'm afraid that sometimes, for some, it may get to be a bit too much. I always hesitate a moment before clicking that shiny little "New Thread" button at the top of this forum, wondering if this time I'm just going too far. Sometimes I back down.... although most of the time I say damn the consequences, THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW (usually when I'm drunk).

:D

But isn't living on the edge a lot more fun?:)

[EGlVM]

:rotfl: Weird poll.

I think we all need a Lost fix. I crumple.:rotfl:

[vonnegut]

Bumping for a new generation of newbies to enjoy.

[John Charles]

I crumple but do a fold over at the very end. My wife folds.

Seeing this poll made me laugh out loud as it reminded me of a day about 3 years ago. My wife had just come home from her women's bible study group at the church. She told me avout how the group discussion went into the strangest territory and she wound up discovering far more about her church mates than she had ever intended.

This issue was the very topic. Luckily, no one in the group volunteered choice number three - so far as I know.

[LPU]

Oh I'm a folder.

[Deadfall]

Life's too short to fold.

[sals]

I make origami car wash attendants.



Sals

[LPU]

Do most car wash attendants carry corn in their pockets?

[TheTempest]

This is poll is wrong in so many ways...

Vonne you know I love you baybee... BUT-- TMI. :D

[vonnegut]

Hey... this was an AWARD NOMINATED POLL!

RESPECT MY AUTHORITIE!

[Hurley4Prez]

It's been established. Crumplers are freaks.

[marshall2u]

I thought the ultimate question is: Do you roll from the top or from the bottom?

(I personally go from the top)

[vonnegut]

It's been established. Crumplers are freaks.

*mutters, you're the freak... or somethin...*

[Frecklestoo]

It's been established. Crumplers are freaks.

Folders are anal.:nanabobo: And Sals...could you post a pic of one of those origami car wash attendants?

[sals]

Folders are anal.:nanabobo: And Sals...could you post a pic of one of those origami car wash attendants?


I can't show you that but what led to my idea of origami car wash attendants was this....

For some reason I thought a quintuple tetrahedron would be the best shape.


I was painfully wrong.


http://www.cs.utk.edu/~plank/plank/origami/5tet.gif


Apparently, a little person holding a fluffy, damp white towel in each hand is the way to go.

But please be sure to tip them or they just might bring out the quintuple tetrahedrons next time.



Sals

[Budman]

For a more in-depth poll on the subject matter, click here (http://www.livejournal.com/poll/?id=15018&mode=results). You can't vote (I think without a LiveJournel account) but you can view the results.

I was surprised with some of the answers.

[Son of Locke]

What really might reveal something about my character is that I happened to catch the Oprah episode with the doctor on it (a man, btw) who came and dicussed the proper direction toward which a woman should wipe, and a bunch of other really awesome and uncomfortable hygienic issues.

Yes, "air dry" was an option.

Front to back, by the way. In case you didn't know, vonne.

:D

[Andrew23]

Why give the paper the honor of folding if you're just gonna stuff it up your ass anyways?

[Budman]

Why give the paper the honor of folding if you're just gonna stuff it up your ass anyways?

Because if you fold the toilet paper, you achieve maximum coverage with the least amount of waste. And honestly, you can be more effective that way.

It's all in the fold.

[Hurley4Prez]

Front to back, by the way. In case you didn't know, vonne.
She's a crumpler, dude. I don't think any amount of advice can help at this point. ;)

[Frecklestoo]

Why give the paper the honor of folding if you're just gonna stuff it up your ass anyways?

Exactly! And does your ass care if the paper's neat?:rolleyez: Then, you just toss it in the toilet and flush...why does the paper have to be so prim and proper?

[Budman]

Exactly! And does your ass care if the paper's neat?:rolleyez: Then, you just toss it in the toilet and flush...why does the paper have to be so prim and proper?

Hemorrhoids.

Yes, your ass will care! It will care very deeply.

[LPU]

The wadders should bare some sort of mark so that they're hands are never accidentally shaken.

[Hurley4Prez]

"The Scarlet C"...

[Television]

Has anyone recently changed their technique since this poll first happened? Does Frecklestoo still take a shower at the same time to save on daily jobs?

I still use sandpaper....

[Frecklestoo]

The wadders should bare some sort of mark so that they're hands are never accidentally shaken.

Well, I would hope that no matter what way the wiper wipes, the wiper would wash hands after. Slippage or rippage can occur no matter what method one chooses to use. The only antidote to a possible crack accident is a good old-fashioned handwashing.

ETA: Or a shower if you want to kill two birds with one stone.;)

[Television]

Haha! Hey Frecklestoo good to hear you stick to the old ways.

[vonnegut]

Okay, note to all the folders out there...

I'm a crumpler. I admit it. I'm not ashamed. You guys should try it some time, you'd be amazed. Crumpled, not only can it cover a wider area, it's also more absorbent. None of that, ahem, leaking through. There's much less chance of a waste-product-to-hand incident. I think of your wimpy little folded squares and shake my head in silent amazement. It's just not the way to get the job done.


ETA: Perhaps I should get my head examined. Why did I start this poll again?

[VeeAyetheCPA]

My answer to this poll was incorrect, though not intentionally. I really hadn't paid much attention to this and I thought I was a folder. But now that my attention had been brought to this matter, I realize that I am actually a crumpler. I'm sorry for messing with the poll results, vonne! Now I often think of you and this poll as I crumple my Quilted Northern Ultra.

[merry slug]

Crumple. You get more surface area that way.

[Frecklestoo]

Crumplers use their time more efficiently...it takes no time to whip it off the roll, crumple it up and go to town. The folders actually have to take the time to fold it neatly....I wonder if that's really the best use of their toilet time. Do they have nothing better to do?:nanabobo:

[ILikeLostBrunettes]

Where is the Bidet option?

[Warthawg1]

I chose the obligatory I just use Charlie option.

[Hurley4Prez]

^ Why didn't I think of that! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

[vonnegut]

I chose the obligatory I just use Charlie option.

Warty...

You have officially now made me almost spit beer on my computer.

You have joined a very prestigious group. Congratulations.

:rotfl:

[LPU]

I chose the obligatory I just use Charlie option.

Hilarious! Wadded or folded?

[Smirnoff_Ice]

I chose the obligatory I just use Charlie option.

:rotfl:

I hear that that's quite popular in some areas.

[cricer]

I must say, I crumple.

[vonnegut]

You forgot the wet-wipes option for those not so fresh days, or if you've eaten glue!

Well, in that case... do you fold or crumple your wet-wipes?

[Warthawg1]

Hilarious! Wadded or folded?

When using Charlie.. you must wad. It's the only way to get any grip power due to his overall slimyness.

[ILikeLostBrunettes]

I wouldn't want to use anything slimey down there in the first place.

[ekoistheman]

there was a bear taking a dump in the woods. a white fluffy rabbit comes by and sees the bear crapping. He decides to take one too. The bear sees this and asks the rabbit "hey, when you have a bowl movement does the poop stick to your fur?". the rabbit answers "no, it does not.". The bear grabs the rabbit and rubs him up his ass then says "good, you shouldn't have any trouble cleaning up"

[Budman]

there was a bear taking a dump in the woods. a white fluffy rabbit comes by and sees the bear crapping. He decides to take one too. The bear sees this and asks the rabbit "hey, when you have a bowl movement does the poop stick to your fur?". the rabbit answers "no, it does not.". The bear grabs the rabbit and rubs him up his ass then says "good, you shouldn't have any trouble cleaning up"

:rotfl: That's funny!

[VeeAyetheCPA]

Well, in that case... do you fold or crumple your wet-wipes?


Is there a poll about which brand of wet-wipes we prefer?

[ekoistheman]

Is there a poll about which brand of wet-wipes we prefer?
CHUBS

[YouFirst]

I'm a crumpler. :)

(I don't know why I smiled there. Maybe I've needed to tell everyone that all of my life and I jumped at the chance...)

[ILikeLostBrunettes]

Wait... what did this poll answer about the human race?

[azteclady]

I don't think we really want to know...

[Warthawg1]

Wait... what did this poll answer about the human race?

There's a lot of them that are not welcome to use my toilet.

[vonnegut]

Wow, I'd forgotten about this one.

Pre-LP polling....

:)

[Frecklestoo]

Wait... what did this poll answer about the human race?That there's no wrong way to wipe a butt.

[Warthawg1]

That there's no wrong way to wipe a butt.

You must not have experience with kids. If only this was true...

[ILikeLostBrunettes]

Mark that off my list of "Things to do"

[Warthawg1]

Mark that off my list of "Things to do"

Come on.. live a little.

[ILikeLostBrunettes]

Maybe... but I'm not cleaning up after it.

[Hurley4Prez]

Mark that off my list of "Things to do"
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

[Frecklestoo]

You must not have experience with kids. If only this was true...Actually I have 3 kids......they all crumple the TP into a boulder-sized wad, if they bother to use it at all.:rolleyez: