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Old 03-17-10, 04:20 PM   #6
Nailthesnail
Arrives By Sub
 

Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 31
Re: Never Seen Lost Blog



man I just found this and its had me in tears.. brilliant! I don't think it really matters if it's fake or not, his recaps are hilarious regardless

some good quotes:

"I don’t even know how to summarize what happened on the island. Said got shot, drowned in a hot tub, hooked up to a car battery, burned with a hot poker, then was almost poisoned. A few more and we hit Bill Murray’s rant from Groundhog Day."


"Jack, being the cool dude he is, goes to lay some smack down on Pretentious Asian. He approaches the guards and says "Let me through" at which point the guards step aside and let him through. Which might make them the worst guards ever."

"Sawyer finds the plane he was looking for. It’s huge and looks like it landed perfectly with only 200 yards to slow down after touchdown. There’s stuff scattered everywhere and I think they are filming a Capital One and Bud Light commercial on this same set later today. Sawyer follows a beverage cart trail and comes across a pile of passed out drunks. They smell terrible. There’s a rustle. Sawyer turns to see what it is. Turns out it’s a nerdy librarian. And she’s the only one left. That means it’s up to them to repopulate the Earth. Coulda done a lot worse, Sawyer."

"Turns out Creepy Kid is Toga’s son (Toga = Pretentious Asian). It turns out Toga is a really cool dude. He talks with Jack about parenting stuff and how much pressure kids are under. Jack stares blankly since he is a deadbeat. Toga asks how long David has been tickling the ivories. Jack says he doesn’t know. Toga looks angry. In fact, I am pretty sure this is the point where Toga stopped speaking English and started hating white people."

"Sayid, as bored with Toga’s story as I was, drowns him in the hot tub. It’s cool though. That’s the hot tub that brings people back to life. He should be back to being pretentious in no time. At least I hope so. I was really starting to like Toga. Translator walks in and says “What have you done!” I think it’s pretty clear. He drowned Toga. Translator starts freaking out and yelling at Sayid. Predictably, Sayid cuts Translator’s throat and pushes him in the hot tub. That’s not a wound I think the hot tub can heal. Also, stop throwing dead people in the hot tub, Sayid."

"The folks on the beach (Team Jacob) go to bury John in a pretty big grave yard. By my count this deserted island has 263 occupants. This is supposed to be a sad funeral where he gets buried. I assume so at least. No one wants to say anything until Nerdlinger admits John was a better man than him (that’s a long list) and he is sorry for murdering him. No one really reacts to his confession. This island needs a judicial system of some sort."

and that "Toga" tribute video is pure gold.

Last edited by Nailthesnail; 03-17-10 at 04:36 PM.
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